I think – tentatively – I have my muse/inspiration back. I’m kind of not looking directly at it nor being attached to it just yet. I’ve been through a really hard time for me, inertia, ennui bordering on depression. Completely flat. So this sense of coming out of it is good but I don’t trust it quite yet. It took another artist to help me out of it. I was visiting a gallery out in Leicestershire and the first painting I saw reminded me of MY painting and the thought came to me that I have been trying too hard to be what I’m not, to do work that is not authentically me. It’s one thing to copy and explore techniques but quite another to get caught up in those techniques. This woman’s paintings (Agh, didn’t note her name!) were enough to shock me into remembering the colours I love to work with, the techniques that bring me the results I want, the visual language which is mine alone. So I wasn’t depressed, just lost for a while.
Working in the studio this week I have almost obliterated canvases I have been working on or at least transforming them radically. What a relief to rediscover my muse and re-enter the Mystery.